I wish...

The red lake stares at me unflinchingly. It mocks me, declaring that what was mine yesterday is not mine to keep anymore. As I bend over it, it forms a puddle. Stoically, I muse over my glorious days. Proud as I was, waving and flicking my own ruby jewels, never did I think that they would be stolen away so quickly and easily. I might get everything back but not my own jewels, I let myself indulge in wishful thinking. What does a woman wish for? I wish for something that's now impossible, well out of my reach. My own longing makes me aware of my own futility, my own rampant materialistic desire. But we are mere mortals, aren't we?

Spree

P.S this is a totally unedited post. I have written it in a daze, in a Classical literature's class. I had a vision in mind while writing this. Eventhough I am not sharing it here, I would love to know your point of view. Tell me, What is the woman wishing for? :-)

Of Unnamed love and loss

She had just read that morning, a quote by einstein that read- if you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough yourself. In a moment like that, all she could remember was this. She went to wash her face, to cool herself down with the running water.

Instead, she looked in the mirror. her own eyes bloodshot, hair rakish. "I know it simply enough." she could explain it to herself, others she wasn't sure. She had never seen him, met him, never heard his voice, never heard of him from any of his friends but she knew him well enough. She loved him. Was that what pain was? what she went through? Splashing water through the face just to make way for a fresh batch of hot tears. She had talked to him of every minute about her life. She felt him, secured him so deeply in her heart taht nobody could ever take place of him, she knew he wasn't handsome. She never cared. Not rich, she wasn't bothered. She had been camouflaging her usual chirpy self in front of everyone, she know beheld her soul naked in front of her eyes.

She didn't like what she saw. Smeared kohl, quivering lips, runny nose. yes, she was a writer and yet words didn't come easily to her. Love never came naturally to her but when she did, it hit her with full force. She craved for a man she no longer knew, for he was changed. what caused him to drive away, she knew not. Fear of her love or infidelity. She seeked shelter. she seeked peace. In death. In blood. With a sardonic smile, no ifs no buts, she held her wrist, got it cut and she quit.


Spree

Happy day

Sometimes, when you wake up and look in a mirror with groggy eyes, you know in your heart its going to be a good day. That day, you don't recognize the person you see in the mirror, the anonymous smile leaves you flushed, without a reason. Well, come think of it, you know its your day when you get your favorite breakfast. When no one argues with you for a change, when you shop till the last penny is exhausted. When you have your favorite food all day, followed by a Ginger Ale. Also, when you look so happy that mirror refuses to recognize that its the usual groggy YOU. When you get your favorite songs and an impromptu rain makes your night, even though its biting cold outside. The smell of damp soil fill your entire room for a night and you get to watch the latest movie with a CHAI LATTE. All rolled up in an entire day! You know its a good day, you want all days like these. After a long dry spell, your day feels like bliss. You plan your life better, live better, live simpler, with minimal expectations later, If only for a day. That, my friend, is the time of your life.

I wanted to capture this day in my mind to be etched in my memory forever. A Happy day. Feels heaven, doesn't it?

Lost hope and Sunshine

Its so often that we indulge in wishful thinking for what we don't have and are ungrateful for what we have. My bad, but yes, I am the same. Very often, I crib about my college or having no friends or having food which I don't like at all. Very often, I crib about me being fat and I crib about my family too. It is my utter inanity that I can't really be thankful. Even once. I cried in my college that day, out of sheer frustration and boredom. I see these three blind girls in my college, everyday. I decided not to make a fool of myself any more and took refuge at gazing at them through window. No, I don't know their names and don't even which year they belong to, which course. Anyhow, I saw two girls happily holding each other, giving each other support. One holding a plate of rajma chawal, other one holding a plate of kachori aloo. Where they went, I don't know. After the class got over, I saw the third girl I see often, hit an open door, I rushed to be at her side and she asked me to take her to the college office, she had to get some papers signed. The office, being a govt. Office, refused as usual. She then asked me to take her to the library. She held me as I took lead. On reaching library, she bid me goodbye by saying- why are you so sad? I didn't speak a word to her and she knew! Did she? Really? She went her way and I was dumbfound.

I see these people everyday, I used to crib against the reservation system for religious communities but not for them. I see them entering our college everyday now, see them smile, feel their empowerment. I see them walk through the college, to their class. God knows how they climb stairs, they are used to it, I guess. I can never ever imagine myself being that way, or adjusting so well, not complaining. I don't know how they go home or come to college, a special cab or parents picking them up or buses, its a few minutes encounter in college. I smile at them, they don't smile back. I remember when one of them danced at the freshers talent hunt at mujhe rang de and I had goosebumps. It requires courage to be on stage and seems that they had it. Steve jobs once said- your time is limited on earth. Try making most of it. I want to say,  sure time is limited but abilities are unlimited and I now make sure that I don't waste it. I write. Whenever I can. Whatever I can. I do my bit to be remembered. And whenever I am on the brink of being a nihilist, I remember those girls. I don't remember the last time I saw good in others. And guess what? I am happy. :)

Ananya

Hunger and Hankering

Hunger and hankering

Ananya

Today was an incongruent day. He, the arrogant one, the atheist melted under a beam of sunlight. An alcoholic, a pot smoker, he never did heed to the societal norms. He searched for bliss, true happiness. Far from the taunts and nagging of the world, he lived in a world beyond the world. Never would he have thought that he would find bliss here, of all places. He came here to find something to eat. He was hungry since last night and booze made him more hungry than he ought to be. The purple orb of the night had disappeared, giving room for the ting of crimson hue of the ever luminous.

He entered there. Knowing in his heart that his orthodox Hindu family would die of the shock of their son crossing the threshold of a mosque, he walked unsteadily. Since when did he start caring about people anyway? Taking a composed mind, turmoil in stomach, he went inside. He was unaware of the ceremony of performing ablutions. Being scolded for that, he dived into the pond inside and stayed inside the waters to cool his mind off. Never had the water felt so pure, so serene, and so cool, so mellowed. Something was about to change. He let himself float in the water for he was too drunk for reasoning and rationality. When he finally came out, he smiled. For the sheer reason of being eligible to get food now. Gosht. His stomach rumbled at the very thought of it. Something inside him propelled to move forward. He did but toppled over the floor. Strong arms protected him from falling. He looked up in a pair of brown eyes. The magnetism was so strong he couldn’t match the gaze. Looked down.

“Easy son!” was all he said. He pulled him back to normal, smiled, patted his head and walked away.

He was antsy. Watching him go, till he disappeared from the site was not his intention; he wanted to stop that man. Look into those soulful eyes again. Unconsciously, he moved towards the Dargah area. A pious smell filled the area. Khus Khus and Rose. Another thing he couldn’t put his finger on. Faint sarod music played far behind from where he was, but still could listen to the calming instrument. As he popped inside, his eyes closed. The pure reverences of the vicinity made him plunk on the floor and bow his head. Diaphanous contentment filled his mind, veneration suffused in his soul. There was absolutely nothing he could think of at that moment. Just sycophancy for his beloved. The satisfaction he so intensely searched was here. Here in his mind. In his heart. His heart leapt with joy. The ecstasy he felt was extra ordinary. He wished for things, haughtily, arrogantly, proudly. Never had his heart felt the need to bow. When he passed by, he couldn’t not refuse. Not complain just heed. Seek. Love.

He then knew that the lord himself had chosen to enlighten him. It was him. The venerable one, who held him when he was about to stoop low. He was content. He no longer felt hungry. He was sated. In that one moment of strength, he attained peace, he was enlightened.